Being a mum is hard. Being a female entrepreneur is hard. Being a mum AND running a business is hardx2. Doing either is hard enough so doing both is adding an extra layer of hardness to life. It comes with different challenges than being an employed mum or a stay at home mum.
Your business is another child you’re growing and nurturing. It’s not like most 9-5 jobs that leave your mind when you leave the office. You’re constantly thinking about what still needs done, how you can improve your services, where your next client is coming from..
So how do you balance motherhood and entrepreneurship?
In this blog you won’t find the perfect formula for this, because I don’t believe there is one. It is very much trial and error and constantly trying your best to give each of your children (including your business) the right amount of attention as well as making sure you spend some time on self care. But you will find some tips and tricks that have helped me stay sane, to keep the balance and to stay consistent.
How to keep the balance and consistency as a busy self employed mum:
Find your tribe of entrepreneurial mums
Running your own business is lonely. There are no colleagues to chat to, no one to celebrate your achievements with or to go out with for a Friday drinks. It's just you, yourself and you.
You probably already have mum friends and maybe you also have business pals- but having a self employed mum bestie is honestly a godsend. They get both sides of the coin, anything you struggle with as a mum and anything you go through in your business. What to do when your kid is sent home from school again.. Strike days.. Client meetings in the middle of the holidays…
Knowing you've got someone to chat to who is going through the same things is gold!
If there's one thing that keeps me going it is my tribe/posse/network/whatever you want to call it of mumpreneurs (not a fan of this word, but you know what I mean). Other mums, who also run their own business and know exactly what you're going through. Those who you can turn to when mumlife gets tough but who also understand and celebrate you when you book that big project or sell out all your products!
Having a support network is so important to not feel like you're the only one that is experiencing everything you're going through. I’ve found mine through Instagram and setting up a networking event through the Small Biz Community- so make sure to go and find yours!
Coaching & Mentoring
The best thing I have done (and keep doing) in my business, is investing in coaching/mentoring. It’s easy to fall into the negative spiral when things aren’t going so well or to not follow through with your goals if you are unsure of how to get to them. Being able to talk through all these issues, to speak them out loud and to have someone to reassure you, to help you figure it out has been such a breath of fresh air.
When I first started out (as a VA) I felt there was a gaping black hole of how to run a business- it felt daunting, scary and not knowing how to do things made me feel like a noob. I felt lost, unsure and that affected my confidence- which obviously isn't great when you are trying to find new clients. But I so desperately wanted to make this work- I was fed up with my employed job and the only way out was to start my own business.
So I invested in a coach- I’m not saying that without her I wouldn’t have made it, but it definitely sped things up and it meant that within 4 months of starting my VA business I felt confident enough to hand in my resignation and solely rely on my own business.
Often we don’t believe amazing things are possible for us but being part of a programme has made me realise they definitely are!
Fast forward 18 months and I decided to shift the focus of my business on brand design work- something I have always been passionate about (and I did have a children’s illustrations business for a while) but I always felt too scared to make it my full time job. With the knowledge of how much a mentor can support you I decided to invest in one again - this time focussing on growing a sustainable design business.
Being part of a group programme has helped me feel less alone, knowing other designers are going through the same things I am. But also seeing what is possible- to grow a balanced and consistent design business.
You can do anything but not everything at once
Coming to terms with the fact that I can't do all the things at once and still feel that I'm doing a good job, not feeling burned out or unsatisfied with all chapters of my life has given me some peace of mind.
I do believe that you can “have it all” - in a way I already do “have it all” - I am running a successful business (in my case successful means making enough money to pay the bills- not a 6-figure one), I am able to pick the kids up everyday after school and spend time as a family at the weekend. And I can fill in most of my time the way I want to but like most people I want more…
I’d like to have more time for myself, for my hobbies. I’d like my business to grow faster, to have more time to spend on marketing. I’d like more energy to play with the kids after school and more money to hire a cleaner so my house isn’t a tip!
But it isn’t going to happen overnight, because I won’t have the energy and time to do it all. Deciding to start my own business, to have more flexibility and be home with the kids means that I can't work full time on my business. There are only so many hours in the week that I can work in and on my business- that means it probably won't grow as fast. Accepting that has been a big thing for me.
Instead of feeling restless about the time I spend away from my business I know that I will get where I want to be in my own time. It means that I’m more present when I spend time with the kids and that I can look after myself without feeling guilty.
Let go of some things (like keeping the house super clean)
As well as accepting that growing your business might take a bit longer, it’s also good to look at where your priorities lie. As nice as it would be to have all the time to work on my business, to play with the kids, cook all the healthy meals, exercise, look after myself, go on dates with the husband, clean and declutter the house, go on long walks with the dog, create, watch all the rubbish tv, it’s just not possible.
So some things need to give- in my case, one of those is having a super clean, tidy house. Lowering the standards on how clean my house should be has given me more peace of mind. Or at least I try, sometimes it still stresses me out!
Prioritise what is important to you right now and focus on that.
Outsource what you can (although I don’t outsource much). Or see if you can get some extra help from grandparents or family members to help with the kids!
Be prepared to drop it all when the phone rings..
Your phone rings, you look at your screen and see it's the nursery.. yep, it's that time again. One of the kids has caught a bug (likely at said nursery) and has to be picked up pronto!
Just when you were in the flow and getting loads done in your work day..
As a self employed mum it often falls on you to look after the kids if they can’t go to school or nursery. If it’s the school holidays or an in-service day at least you know in advance and can plan around it- take on less work or work in the evenings/weekends. But when they are off sick it messes with all the well laid out plans and you have to pause it all at the drop of a hat.
I’m a very organised person so this was (and still is) something that is hard for me to deal with. When the plan gets shaken up it stresses me out- I like to have a plan (and stick to it). But I’m getting better at it. One of the main things that help me here is that the timeline for all of my projects is bigger than I need it to be.
This means that there is always some extra time to play with and I don’t worry about missing deadlines when one of the kids (or myself) is sick.
Failing that, most clients I’ve worked with are very understanding when it comes to having to reschedule calls or meetings because of childcare issues- also one of the reasons I love working with fellow mums.
Mindful moments and journaling
To keep sane I’ve found that journaling every morning helps. I write down whatever is in my head with no real thought behind it. It empties my brain, makes it less cluttered and gets rid of all the things that don't serve me. I can start the day with a clear head and feel lighter for it.
I try to meditate too and find that if I can do it regularly I am often a lot calmer then when I don’t.
If I can’t find the time or space to do this (which is pretty often with two young kids), I try having mindful moments.
Stopping and pausing for a couple of seconds, taking some deep breaths, enjoying the moment- whatever that is.
Mum-guilt
Oh, the never ending mum-guilt. It’s tough and I know a lot of other mums feel it too. You want to do things for you, but as soon as you’re out you’re thinking about the kids and how you want to spend more time with them. That voice in your head often tells you you’re doing it all wrong.
You feel guilty for working, but your business is as much a part of you as your kids are. It is in a way another child you are looking after. So why do we feel so guilty about wanting to spend time with it?
The guilt occurs because you are putting all these expectations on yourself, always putting out a nutritious meal, being present with your kids, contributing financially, making more time to check in with friends and family. Oh, and don’t forget yourself- you need to make time for self care too!
The list is endless- so when you do one you are neglecting the other. Or so we tell ourselves. Reiterating the point above- you can’t do everything at once. We need to prioritise and (try) not to feel guilty about it.
Also try not to compare yourself to others- a tip you probably hear all the time. Again, easier said than done. But do we really know the extent of other people’s personal life? Are they dealing with the same things we are? Do they get more help with the kids, the cleaning or even in their business?
Be kinder to yourself.
The things we say to ourselves we would never say to our friends, or even to strangers. Do you speak harshly to the mum that works full time? Or the one that is a stay at home mum? The one that makes time to exercise? The one that orders take out because she was working late? Probably not- you understand that that is life and you can’t be perfect all the time. So why talk to yourself like that?
From all the things on this list- Mum guilt is definitely one of the hardest to deal with and overcome, although I doubt we really ever overcome it
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
It’s hard to ask for help, you might feel guilty or like you’re failing. Over the past 2 years as a self employed mum I’ve definitely overstretched myself a few times. Thinking I can take on a project with a tight deadline right at the end of the Easter holidays, having loads of small projects on at the same time as the winter (read bug) season starts and a family member is staying over for a couple of weeks.
I’ve noticed that if I can’t seem to catch a breath for a couple of weeks I start to feel stressed, anxious, and depressed. It’s hard to come out of that if you’re constantly up against it.
At those times, however hard it is, asking for help is the best thing I know I can do. I ask my husband to step up with help around the house or take the kids out for a day so I can recharge my batteries. Ask the grandparents to come through and help with the kids. And definitely revisit my to do list and get rid of anything that isn’t a priority at that time.
To prevent getting to the stage of overwhelm I try to put things in place- no or little work over the school holidays. Making sure grandparents help out if I do need to get any work done (or just so I can spend some time on self care). Planning regular dog walking dates with my friend or meeting other business mums at networking events.
Conclusion
Although balancing motherhood and entrepreneurship brings its difficulties with it, there are a lot of ways to deal with those to make sure we create balance and consistency in our lives. Having support from fellow self-employed mums or coaches can make you feel less alone and learn how to deal with stressful situations.
Prioritising what is important to you right now and (try) not feeling guilty that other things are being done to a lesser standard will give you more peace of mind.
Planning your workload in a way that works around school holidays or childcare plus adding some extra time to deliver your service/products gives you some breathing space when the children are sick and you won’t feel stressed trying to look after everyone. Or outsource some of your work (like your business branding)
I hope there’s something for you to take on board to feel more balanced and create some consistency in your business! If you feel like you need to speak to a fellow mumpreneur, my door is always open, send me a message or email!
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